Dealing with depression, stress, and anxiety during the holidays.
We’ve all been there. Spending countless hours racing around to buy gifts, decorating, planning or attending holiday parties, and maybe even scrambling to get the perfect photo for Christmas cards. The list goes on and on. Holiday merriment can easily give way to depression or anxiety when paired with the tremendous pressure we put on ourselves to have a Hallmark movie worthy Christmas.
For many, this time of year can bring a visit from an unwanted ghost. Mental health issues soar during the winter holidays. Memories, good or bad, bring up emotions we didn’t know we were carrying around. It can be a difficult time of year to deal with these feelings when everywhere we look, we’re bombarded with images of happy Christmases, and when winter weather & current pandemic restrictions create further isolation from loved ones and support systems. All of this creates the perfect storm for a visit from the 3 Ghosts of Christmas – depression, stress, and anxiety.
Christmas Past
I’ve been very fortunate in the past. My childhood is filled with postcard perfect holidays. My dad absolutely LOVED Christmas and my mom has always been the queen of entertaining. Our home was decked from end to end with holiday cheer and my dad originated Christmas Pj’s before they were ever a thing. I have many fond memories of beautiful holiday traditions. Mel & I have carried on many of these traditions with our own kids as well as starting some new ones of our own.
If you follow me on social media you’ve probably seen a few of our past Christmases with beautifully adorned trees, carefully crafted Christmas treats, and family cheer. These cherished memories have always brought love and joy to my heart, but this year is different.
We’ve had a rough year this year. 2021 hasn’t been so kind these last few months. After relocating from California to Texas, the house we were purchasing fell through and through a series of unforseen events we found ourselves homeless. It’s difficult to even talk about as we’re still recovering from it all but for 3 months we lived between motels, campgrounds, with a friend, and finally in an airbnb before finding a more permanent solution.
For 3 months we had nothing but 3 or 4 days worth of clothes each and our cellphones. That’s it. Everything else we own was spread across 3 storage units. Between all of that and loosing the house we were dreaming of finally owning, it was all too much. I looked at Mel and said “I don’t even want to celebrate Christmas. Can we just skip it?”
It was the 1st time in my life I haven’t looked forward to Christmas. Then one of our boys came home with a small, blue, plastic tree. Such a stark difference than anything we’ve ever had for Christmas but it made me realize I do want to have some Christmas, even if it’s just a little bit.
Now, I know Christmas is about the birth of our Savior, and it’s not about the tree, or other decorations. I get it, I really do, but when you’re dealing with depression, rationality doesn’t exist. When you’re in that lonely, dark space, it’s difficult to see the light.
Depression is a thief. It will rob you without you even realizing it. It will steal your time, your sleep, and even your relationships if you don’t get a handle on it. Mel is such an amazing support for me and he always knows how to shake me out of a funk.
It took some Dollar Store ornaments & stockings, a nice drive to chat, and a tour of Christmas lights to reignite the Christmas cheer for me. I’m pretty sure the drive and chat was really what did it though. This visitor, the Ghost of Christmas Past, is one I’m glad to see go.
Christmas Present
Obviously I don’t mean the kind that are wrapped and under your tree. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves this time of year. It’s hard not too, but that pressure opens the door for the second uninvited ghost, stress.
Daily life is demanding enough. It doesn’t matter if you work outside the home or in. Keeping up with the mundane housework, cooking, shopping, paying bills, and then if you have a spouse or kids it expands exponentially. Once the holidays come along our “To Do” lists are out of control.
The holidays are supposed to be a time to enjoy our loved ones and make memories, not hide in your closet with a box of cookies hoping no one finds you (yeah, I did that once). If you’re feeling stressed about tasks you have to do, people you’re going to see, or food you think you need to make then it’s time to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the holidays that we don’t see what’s going on around us.
If you’re stressed about this week, you need to stop, take a deep breath, and re-evaluate your list. What’s really important? What can you cut out or change? For example, instead of baking cookies this year (or trying to force some assemblance of them) I decided to stop in one of the local shops here in town and purchase a dessert. It’s still handmade, just not by my hands, and even if it wasn’t, even if it was a frozen store bought dessert from a grocery store, that’s ok too. We all need to learn to cut ourselves some slack. Giving yourself the ok to make changes or eliminate non-essential things will help kick stress out the door.
Christmas Future
The 3rd and final unwanted visitor during the holidays is anxiety. This ugly beast can be physically crippling as well as mentally.
During our recent house ordeal I suffered a major anxiety attack. It was so bad that I had difficulty breathing and it took several hours to snap out of it. I’ve only ever had anxiety once before but that was during chemotherapy back when I had cancer. Fortunately, that meant this time I was able to recognize the symptoms.
Not everyone will experience anxiety to that extreme, but most people will experience it in some form and it isn’t fun. When we dwell too much on what “has” to be done it creates a blueprint for anxiety to work its way in. Our fears of failure or disappointment in certain task make an easy plan for anxiety to follow and it will elevate itself in time if it’s not kept in check.
Look for small and simple moments to refocus yourself. Make memories that will last forever instead of post worthy photos that fleet in moments. Sometimes just asking your loved ones opinion helps. Many times, their expectations are much lower than what you were reaching for. Coming down to meet them even halfway can relieve a lot of anxiety.
Try to figure out if there’s a specific thing that’s triggering your anxiety and if there is, reduce exposure or eliminate it from your plans all together. Ridding yourself of the Ghost of Christmas Future will make for a much calmer holiday experience with less anxiety.
Tidings of Joy
Mental health is not something that’s easy to discuss in our society. There is an unwarranted stigma that surrounds it, but the more we open up and talk about it, the better. Talking about our own struggles with depression, stress, and anxiety not only helps us but it can also helps others. Once people realize they’re not alone in their feelings it makes it so much easier to make the changes we need to for ourselves.
A Gift to You
Give a gift to yourself this year. Kick out the ghosts that maybe plaguing you and allow yourself the opportunity to enjoy this holiday season. De-stress your life, reduce your to-do list, and give yourself a break. Start now and carry this pattern on through the New Year, soon the joy & love we cherish from the holidays will be with you all year long.
Wishing you a wonderful & joyful Christmas and a very Happy New Year!